I feel homesick at university

You may think about home most when you wake up, return to an empty room or see other students appearing to settle in quickly. Weekends, evenings and the period after speaking to someone at home can be particularly difficult. You might feel sad, irritable, restless or caught between wanting contact and worrying that contact will make leaving feel harder all over again.

Sometimes what you miss is a person. Sometimes it is privacy, food, language, culture, a pet, a familiar landscape or knowing how everything works. You may also miss the version of yourself you were at home: someone with a place in a group, an established routine and fewer everyday decisions to make.

Try completing this sentence without judging the answer:

“The part of home I most wish I had here is…”

A specific answer can suggest a more useful next step than trying to “get over” homesickness as one large problem.

You do not have to make university feel like home immediately. Start with one or two things that make the next part of the day more recognisable.

That could mean:

• eating one familiar meal;
• arranging your room in a way that feels more like yours;
• taking the same route to lectures for a while;
• finding a regular place to sit, study or have lunch;
• keeping a familiar morning or evening routine;
• bringing in music, books, photos, scents or objects associated with comfort;
• locating somewhere nearby that meets a practical, cultural, faith or accessibility need.

Repeated, ordinary experiences can help a place become easier to navigate. They do not need to be impressive or especially social. If your energy is low, choose an action that takes a few minutes rather than designing an ideal routine you then have to maintain.

Contact with people at home can be reassuring. It can also leave you feeling more aware of the distance afterwards. There is no universal rule that you should contact home less, and you do not have to cut yourself off to prove that you are independent.

You could experiment with contact that feels supportive and predictable. For example, arrange a call rather than repeatedly checking whether someone is free, exchange voice notes, watch something together or plan your next visit if that is practical. Notice what happens before and after contact. If a long evening call tends to leave you unable to sleep, a shorter conversation earlier in the day might work better.

It may also help to tell someone at home what kind of support you want. You might want them to listen without immediately telling you to come back, or you may want practical help thinking through a decision. Missing someone and building a life where you are can happen at the same time.

Advice to “put yourself out there” can feel impossible when other students seem confident or established. Local connection does not have to begin with finding a close friendship.

A manageable step might be:

• asking one person from your course if they want to walk to the next lecture;
• returning to the same society, class or study space more than once;
• attending only the first part of an event;
• sitting near other people rather than studying alone in your room;
• speaking to a flatmate about one practical plan, such as cooking or shopping;
• choosing an activity with a shared task, so conversation is not the only focus.

Repeated contact can make conversation easier, but not every group will be right for you. You are allowed to leave an activity that feels unwelcoming and try another. The aim is not to become socially busy overnight. It is to create a few points where you are recognised and do not have to start from zero each time.

Not every wish to go home is simply homesickness. Your accommodation may be unsafe, inaccessible, extremely noisy or affected by harassment. You may be experiencing racism, bullying or exclusion. Money pressure, caring responsibilities, a forced move, cultural isolation or uncertainty about your course or visa may also be shaping how you feel.

These problems need to be taken seriously rather than reframed as a failure to settle in. Write down what is happening and what would need to change. Depending on the issue, you could ask your own university about accommodation, accessibility, student wellbeing, hardship or reporting options. Provision differs between institutions, so check what is available where you study.

For immigration or visa questions, use an appropriately qualified adviser rather than relying on general wellbeing guidance. If someone is threatening you or you do not feel safe where you live, prioritise immediate safety and practical support.

A difficult evening can create pressure to decide immediately whether to stay, leave or transfer. Equally, you should not be told that staying is always the brave or correct choice.

If there is no urgent safety issue, it may help to separate the immediate question from the longer-term one.

For now, ask:

• What would make tonight or tomorrow more manageable?
• Is there a practical issue that needs addressing?
• Who could help me understand my options?
• Would I make the same decision at a calmer moment?
• Is there a date when I can review the situation without treating it as a deadline to feel better?

You can gather information about accommodation, course changes, temporary breaks or leaving without committing to any of those options. If you do decide that returning home or changing plans is right for you, that does not make the experience a personal failure.

Consider telling someone if homesickness is making it hard to eat, sleep, attend teaching, care for yourself or get through the day. You do not need a diagnosis before asking for help.

Your university may have a student wellbeing, counselling, disability or accommodation service, although services and access vary. You can ask what your institution offers and what happens after you make contact. A trusted tutor, supervisor, student support adviser or GP may also help you think through the practical and emotional parts of what is happening.

Counselling is another option, not an inevitable next step. It may give you space to talk about conflicting feelings, relationships at home, identity, belonging or a difficult decision without being pushed towards staying or leaving. If you explore it, you can ask how the counsellor works, what their boundaries are and whether you feel understood.

The University of Sussex also provides student-specific guidance on homesickness, including suggestions around familiar contact and new routines. What is useful will depend on your circumstances.

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.

If you need someone to listen, you can call Samaritans free on 116 123 or use the contact options at https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/.

Your university's wellbeing service may be a useful first step. If you would prefer to explore independent counselling, LynnMatch can help you consider suitable options.