Menopause is affecting how I feel about myself

Feeling unlike yourself can be difficult to explain. You might still be getting through work, family responsibilities and everyday tasks while privately feeling less steady or confident. Small setbacks may seem harder to absorb. You may feel more irritable, tearful, anxious, flat or self-conscious than usual.

For some people, the change is less about one clear emotion and more about losing a familiar sense of identity. You might think:

• “Why am I reacting like this?”
• “I used to cope better than this.”
• “I do not feel comfortable in my own skin.”
• “I cannot tell what I want any more.”
• “Other people seem to be handling this better than me.”

These thoughts do not mean you have failed or become a different person permanently. They may show that something deserves care and attention.

Perimenopause is the time leading up to menopause, and experiences can vary widely. Some people notice little emotional change. Others experience shifts in mood, anxiety, confidence, concentration or sleep alongside physical symptoms. The intensity may fluctuate rather than follow a predictable pattern.

Poor sleep, demanding responsibilities, relationship changes, caring roles, work pressure or worries about ageing may also be present. Several things can be affecting you at once. There is no single emotional response that everybody is supposed to have.

Menopause affects women, but not everyone who experiences it identifies as a woman. Trans men and some non-binary people may also go through menopause and can face additional difficulties around language, identity or accessing support. You deserve to be addressed in a way that respects who you are.

It can be tempting to explain every unfamiliar feeling through menopause—or to dismiss everything as “just hormones”. Neither approach leaves much room for the complexity of what is happening.

Emotional changes may be connected with perimenopause or menopause, but they can also be influenced by physical health, medication, sleep, stress, loss, relationships or an existing mental health difficulty. A clinician can help you consider the wider picture rather than requiring you to decide the cause yourself.

Speaking with a GP can be especially worthwhile if the change is persistent, severe, worsening or affecting daily life. You can ask about both physical and emotional experiences. Seeking an assessment does not commit you to a particular treatment.

This life stage may raise questions that go beyond symptoms. Changes in your body, energy, sexual wellbeing or ability to concentrate can affect how you see yourself. You may feel less confident at work or in social situations, even if other people have not noticed a difference.

Relationships can be affected too. You might need more understanding or space but find it difficult to explain why. Irritability or exhaustion can lead to conflict. Changes in intimacy may feel personal to you or your partner, even when several emotional, relational and physical factors are involved.

Try to avoid treating every difficult interaction as proof that you are no longer yourself. A hard period does not erase the qualities, values and relationships that mattered to you before it began.

You do not need a perfect symptom history before asking for help. A few notes can make the conversation easier, particularly if you tend to minimise what has been happening.

You could record:

• emotional and physical changes you have noticed;
• when they began and whether they fluctuate;
• sleep patterns and changes to periods, where relevant;
• effects on work, relationships or daily tasks;
• current medication and relevant health conditions;
• what you most want help understanding.

Tracking is meant to support you, not become another demand. A simple note on your phone or calendar may be enough. If recording symptoms makes you more worried or preoccupied, pause and discuss that with your GP.

The NHS overview of menopause and perimenopause symptoms offers general health information. NHS Inform also discusses menopause and mental wellbeing.

You do not have to transform your whole routine. Small adjustments may reduce pressure while you work out what support you need.

You might:

• tell one trusted person what has been changing;
• identify times when tiredness or overload makes things harder;
• build in more recovery time after demanding tasks;
• reduce unnecessary commitments where possible;
• make practical prompts for tasks when concentration is difficult;
• protect regular opportunities for rest, movement or connection;
• ask for specific support rather than hoping others will guess.

It can help to use concrete language: “I am having a difficult week and need a quieter evening” may be easier for someone to respond to than “I do not feel right”. You choose how much to share and with whom.

Mind provides further information about menopause and mental health.

Please seek prompt professional support if your emotional wellbeing is deteriorating, you are struggling to function, or fear and low mood are becoming difficult to manage. You can contact your GP and explain clearly how severe the change feels.

If you are in immediate danger or believe you may act on thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, call 999 or go to A&E. Do not wait for a counselling appointment or an online service to respond.

Counselling is optional. It does not diagnose menopause or replace medical assessment. It can provide a private space to explore changes in confidence, identity, relationships or how you want to approach this stage of life.

An independent counsellor or therapist might help you notice patterns, put difficult feelings into words and consider ways of responding to change. You can use counselling alongside GP or clinical support, or decide that another form of support is more appropriate.

LynnMatch does not provide therapy. Therapy is delivered by independent counsellors and therapists.

If talking things through with an independent counsellor or therapist feels right for you, LynnMatch can help you explore a shortlist of up to three practitioners based on your needs and preferences. Counselling is optional and does not replace medical, practical or urgent support.