I've lost interest in sex and it's upsetting me

Sexual desire varies between people and can change at different points in life. Some people want sex often, some rarely, and others not at all. There is no correct amount that everyone should want.

What matters here is that the change is upsetting you. Perhaps it feels sudden, has lasted longer than you expected, or is affecting closeness with a partner. You may feel guilty, embarrassed or under pressure to explain something you do not yet understand.

Try not to treat the change as proof that you are failing or that your relationship is over. It is something you can approach with curiosity and care rather than blame.

A drop in sexual interest can happen in many different contexts. These can include stress, tiredness, low mood, anxiety, changes in a relationship, pregnancy or becoming a parent, menopause, body-image concerns, pain, physical health changes, medicines or contraception. Sometimes there is no obvious explanation.

This is not a checklist for diagnosing yourself. More than one factor may be involved, and what applies to somebody else may not apply to you.

It may help to notice:

• roughly when the change began
• whether it is constant or varies
• whether you have also noticed pain, discomfort, tiredness or other health changes
• whether stress, mood or relationship circumstances have changed
• what feels upsetting about the situation: the loss of desire itself, pressure, conflict, uncertainty or something else.

You do not need a complete explanation before asking for support.

When sex changes, both people in a relationship can attach painful meanings to it. One person may fear rejection while the other feels blamed, guilty or pressured. These reactions can turn uncertainty into conflict.

If it feels safe to talk, choose a time when neither of you is expecting sex. You might say:

• “I have noticed that my interest in sex has changed, and I am finding it upsetting.”
• “I do not fully understand why this is happening, but I would like us to talk without blaming each other.”
• “I care about you, and I do not want either of us to feel pressured.”
• “Could we talk about other ways of feeling close while I work out what support I need?”

The aim is not to promise that desire will return or to agree to sexual contact you do not want. It is to make room for honesty, boundaries and mutual respect.

Consent still matters within a long-term relationship. You never owe someone sex to reassure them, avoid conflict or prove that you care. If a partner pressures, threatens or frightens you, prioritise your safety and seek appropriate support. Call 999 if you are in immediate danger.

If you need urgent mental-health support but there is no immediate danger, the following services can help:

• England: Call NHS 111 and select the mental health option.
• Scotland: Call NHS 24 on 111 and choose the mental health option.
• Wales: Call NHS 111 and press 2 for urgent mental-health support.
• Northern Ireland: Call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 for crisis support.

Consider speaking to a GP or another relevant healthcare professional if the change persists, is causing significant distress, began after a health or medication change, or occurs alongside symptoms such as pain or discomfort.

You could briefly note when you first noticed the change, any other symptoms, relevant life changes and the medicines or contraception you use. This can make the conversation easier, but you do not need to arrive with a theory.

A healthcare professional can discuss possible physical, emotional and medication-related contexts and advise on appropriate next steps. Do not stop or change prescribed medicine or contraception without speaking to a qualified healthcare professional.

For an overview of possible contexts and routes to support, see NHS inform’s guidance on low sex drive.

You may want support with the emotional impact even while exploring possible physical factors. A counsellor or therapist could offer space to talk about guilt, confidence, closeness, communication or the meanings you have attached to the change.

You could seek support individually. If both people freely agree, relationship counselling may also provide a place to discuss communication and different needs. Counselling is not a requirement, and it should not be used to pressure anyone into sex or promise a particular outcome.

LynnMatch is a guided matching service rather than a public directory or a therapy provider. Independent counsellors and therapists provide therapy.

You do not need to solve everything at once. A proportionate next step might be:

• giving yourself time to notice what has changed without judging it
• having a calm, consent-respecting conversation with your partner
• arranging a GP or healthcare appointment
• seeking counselling for the emotional or relationship impact
• choosing more than one route if that feels appropriate.

The right starting point depends on what is most concerning to you. Asking for help does not commit you to treatment, therapy or a particular explanation.

If a change in sexual desire comes with pain, other symptoms or medication concerns, speak with a qualified healthcare professional. For its emotional or relationship impact, you may also wish to explore how LynnMatch works. There is no obligation to seek counselling, and consent and safety come first.