Workplace bullying is affecting my mental health

Repeated difficult experiences at work can gradually change how you feel, think and behave. Perhaps you are being left out of conversations you need to do your job, criticised in a humiliating way, subjected to personal remarks or repeatedly undermined in front of other people. You may feel watched, singled out or unable to predict what will happen next.

The impact is not always confined to working hours. You might:

• replay conversations and wonder what you should have said;
• feel anxious before meetings, shifts or messages;
• lose confidence in decisions you previously made comfortably;
• have difficulty sleeping or relaxing;
• become tearful, irritable, withdrawn or constantly alert;
• experience headaches, tension, nausea or changes in appetite;
• avoid colleagues or social situations because you feel ashamed;
• worry that nobody will believe you;
• struggle to concentrate or complete familiar tasks.

These reactions do not prove a diagnosis or establish why another person behaved as they did. They do show that the situation is affecting you and deserves attention.

Not every criticism, disagreement or performance conversation is bullying. Work sometimes involves reasonable challenge, correction and difficult decisions. At the same time, criticism does not have to be shouted to feel humiliating, and behaviour can be harmful even when somebody else dismisses it as banter or normal pressure.

You may not yet know how to describe what is happening. You might also receive conflicting opinions from colleagues, managers, friends or family. Rather than forcing yourself to reach an immediate verdict, it can help to ask:

• What happened, in specific terms?
• Is there a repeated pattern?
• How is it affecting my health or ability to work?
• Do I feel safe raising it, and with whom?
• What support would help me think more clearly?

You can seek emotional or workplace support while remaining uncertain about the label.

Being repeatedly undermined can make another person’s treatment of you feel like evidence that you are incompetent, oversensitive or difficult. Those conclusions may become especially convincing if the situation has lasted a long time or involves someone with authority.

Try separating observable events from the meaning you are attaching to them. For example:

• Event: “I was not invited to two meetings needed for my project.”
• Self-blaming conclusion: “I must be useless and everyone knows it.”
• Question to consider: “What information do I need, and who could help me check what happened?”

This is not about ignoring your instincts or pretending the behaviour is acceptable. It is a way to reduce the pressure to treat every painful interaction as a final judgement on your worth.

It may also help to imagine how you would respond if a trusted friend described the same events. You might not know exactly what they should do, but you would probably be less quick to blame them.

A simple factual record may help you notice patterns, explain the impact to a GP or adviser, and rely less on memory when you are stressed.

You could note:

• the date, time and setting;
• what was said or done;
• who was present;
• any relevant message or document you are entitled to keep;
• how the event affected your work or wellbeing;
• what, if anything, you did afterwards.

Keep your account factual and distinguish what you directly observed from what you inferred. Avoid covert recording, taking confidential workplace information or removing documents you are not entitled to possess. Consider whether a work device, account or shared location is private enough for personal notes.

Record-keeping is an option, not an obligation. If writing everything down makes you repeatedly relive events or increases your anxiety, keep it brief, ask a trusted person to help you organise the facts, or pause.

People are often told to speak directly to the person involved or report the situation to a manager or HR. Those may be options, but they are not automatically safe or suitable. The person involved may be your manager, and organisational processes can feel intimidating or uncertain.

Depending on your circumstances, possible sources of support include:

• a trusted colleague;
• another manager who is not involved;
• a trade union representative;
• HR or an employee assistance programme;
• an independent workplace adviser;
• your GP;
• a counsellor or therapist;
• someone outside work who can listen without taking over.

You do not have to begin with an informal confrontation before asking for advice. A qualified workplace adviser can help you understand possible processes and rights without relying only on colleagues’ opinions.

For guidance applying in Great Britain, see Acas advice on what to do if you think you are being bullied. Employment arrangements and services differ in Northern Ireland, so seek guidance appropriate to where you work. The NHS guidance on support for workplace bullying also covers wellbeing and sources of support.

When you feel threatened or worn down, trying to solve the whole situation can be overwhelming. A smaller next step may be more manageable.

That could mean:

• telling one trusted person what has been happening;
• arranging a GP appointment about sleep, anxiety or other health effects;
• writing down one recent incident;
• asking a union or adviser what your options are before deciding anything;
• turning off work notifications for a limited period, where your role allows;
• taking a proper break away from the immediate work setting;
• identifying which upcoming interaction is causing the most concern;
• considering what would help you feel safer during that interaction.

A small step does not commit you to a grievance, confrontation or resignation. It can simply give you more information or support.

Workplace mistreatment can occupy your attention because your mind is trying to anticipate risk. Telling yourself to stop thinking about it may not work. Instead, try creating a clearer transition out of the working day.

You could briefly write down what needs attention tomorrow, change clothes or take a short walk after work, silence non-essential notifications, or choose one activity that requires enough attention to interrupt replaying conversations. If you work from home, putting equipment out of sight may help mark the end of work.

These boundaries will not remedy an unsafe workplace. Their purpose is to give your mind and body some recovery time while you consider wider support.

Consider contacting your GP if the situation is affecting your sleep, appetite, concentration, physical health, relationships or ability to manage everyday life. You can describe what has changed and how long it has been happening without having to prove that workplace bullying occurred.

A GP can discuss your symptoms and suitable sources of support. They may also consider whether something else could be contributing. Do not stop or change prescribed medicine without speaking to an appropriate healthcare professional.

A counsellor or therapist cannot make an employment ruling or guarantee that your workplace will change. They may, however, offer a separate space to explore the emotional impact, rebuild trust in your judgement, notice self-blame and think through what support or boundaries feel manageable.

You do not have to wait until the situation becomes unbearable, but therapy is not inevitable. A GP, union representative, independent adviser, trusted colleague or supportive person outside work may be more relevant first, or you may use practical and emotional support alongside each other.

If there is an immediate danger to life or someone is at risk of serious harm, call 999.

If you need someone to listen, Samaritans are available on 116 123 or through https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/.

You do not need to decide what to do about work before asking for immediate emotional support.

If counselling feels right for you, LynnMatch can help you explore independent practitioners based on your needs and preferences. You decide whether to request an introduction.